


Happier

by esperink



Category: jacksepticeye, septicegos - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Christmas, Holidays, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm so sorry Chase, Not A Fix-It, Not Happy, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Sad, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, nonverbal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 06:45:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esperink/pseuds/esperink
Summary: Happier - aren't you?





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> I was already writing this, but Happier by Ed Sheeran motivated me to finish, /and/ it gave me a title.

Stacey had invited Chase for a Christmas family get together. Not even necessarily a get together; it was for him to see the kids Christmas day. The other egos had been hesitant to let Chase attend – they didn’t want him upset, after all – but in the end, it was his decision to go. He wanted to see his kids, he had told them. He wanted to see his family.

This is what landed him at the front door of what used to be the Brody house. He was nervous. Anxious, even. He wasn’t sure whether he would be able to handle what was behind that door. He took a deep breath and knocked.

The door opened to show Stacey. He let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. He smiled. “Hey,” he said.

“Hi Chase,” Stacey replied, stepping out of the way to let him in. “The kids are excited to see you.”

“Really?”

Stacey nodded with her own smile. Chase looked around when he stepped inside. It took everything in him not to freeze and walk back out that door. Grayson and Samira were talking to a man, animatedly. He remembered his children talking about a ‘Brady’ before, and thought maybe this was him. Of course, somewhat knowing who he was didn’t help in the slightest. Especially with the implications of possible romance.

“Your father’s here,” Stacey announced, and the children perked up.

“You’re here!” Samira shrieked, as children usually do, as she and Grayson ran to Chase.

“Hey,” Chase said with a grin, kneeling down to hug his kids. They gave him very tight hugs and then let go. He looked up and noticed Stacey talking to the man, smiling and laughing once. She grasped his hand momentarily, and if it was physically possible, he would have felt his heart break.

After a few moments, Stacey and the other man walked over to Chase and the kids. They weren’t holding hands now, but they were awfully close. Chase bit his lip.

Stacey met his eyes and then glanced back at the man. “This is Braden,” she said, finally addressing the elephant in the room. “Braden, this is Chase.”

“Good to meet you,” Braden said, offering a hand to shake, which they did after a moment’s pause from Chase. “I hear a lot about you from the kids.”

Chase felt a flicker of hope, that his children might still prefer their father. But hearing Braden say “the kids” bothered him. Not “your kids”, just “the kids”. It was the casual familiarity that made Chase hesitate again. “I’ve heard a little about you,” Chase said. He shoved his hands in his pockets now, keeping the presents he had brought for his family tucked in his arms.

“Oh, I’ll take those for you,” Stacey offered, and Chase without comment handed her the presents, which she went to put under the tree.

Chase shifted as Stacey was gone momentarily. Should he make small talk with Braden? He honestly didn’t want to talk to him at all.

“Daddy, look!” Samira exclaimed, shoving a piece of paper in his hands. He looked down to see a drawing of him, Stacey, Grayson, and Samira. “I made it for you!”

Chase smiled gently. “Thank you,” he said, turning now to Grayson who was trying to get his attention. The boy offered him something made of legos – after a closer look, he realized his son had attempted – fairly well – to recreate the Bro Average logo. He smiled happily. “Thank you, Grayson.”

Stacey came back into the room, and Chase was grateful that his kids had distracted him long enough. He stole a glance at Braden, who was smiling at Stacey. Chase looked away.

He started to wander over to the foods table – it was a family tradition, to make a smorgasbord of some sorts when a holiday cropped up. Samira followed, idly chattering. Grayson had gone back to the television.

Chase was only able to half-heartedly listen to his daughter – he hated it, but his mind was elsewhere. Just get through this, he told himself. You wanted to see the kids and – Chase glanced over at Stacey mid-thought, and froze. Braden was playfully nudging the woman, gesturing up at the mistletoe that hung above them. Stacey grinned at Braden and wrapped her arms around his neck, lovingly giving him a quick kiss on the lips. It only lasted a second, but it was enough to make Chase break.

When Stacey’s head turned Chase looked back down. He dropped the cookie he had grabbed. His hands were shaking.

“You dropped your cookie, daddy,” Samira pointed out. When she noticed his shaking hands, she asked, curiously, “Are you sick?”

Chase couldn’t answer. He let himself sink to the floor, pulling his legs up to his chest and hugging them. He felt dizzy and sick. His heart was pounding and his chest hurt. He closed his eyes tightly when he felt tears at the edge of his eyes, not quite crying, but almost.

It was going to happen eventually, he knew. Stacey would move on, and so would he, and they would be able to have some semblance of normal. But it hadn’t happened for him. It had been almost a year and he still had feelings for his ex-wife.

“Mommy?” Samira said, going over to her mother and tugging on Stacey’s sleeve. “Something’s wrong with daddy.”

Stacey looked away from her conversation with Braden and saw Chase sitting on the floor, eyes closed tightly and legs pulled up to his chest, breathing uneven. She stepped away from Braden, moving towards her ex-husband. “Chase?” she said, looking down at him. When he didn’t respond, she lowered herself to sit in front of him.

Stacey grasped Chase’s hand gently. “Five things you can see,” she said softly, and Chase forced his eyes open. His eyes moved around the room without his head moving. Right. Five things.

His eyes landed on their hands. That was one thing. He looked around again. He could see Samira and Grayson. He could see… he could see the paint on the wall. It was starting to chip, he noticed. He searched for one more thing he could name to himself. His shoes, he decided in the end. He closed his eyes again.

“Four things you can feel,” Stacey continued.

He could feel Stacey’s warm skin. He could feel the soft fabric of the shirt he was wearing. He could feel the hat on his head. It felt somewhat itchy. Perhaps he should wash it some time. The floor under his feet. He rested his chin more securely on his knees.

“Three things you can hear.”

He heard Stacey’s voice. It was gentle, and nondemanding. He could hear the ticking of his wristwatch. Tick, tick, tick. He furrowed his brow in concentration. Stacey had turned down the volume of the Christmas music, but he could hear that, too. He gave a small hum.

“Two things you can smell.”

The smell of cookies baking were in the background. Stacey’s lotion smelled like… like peppermints. He took a deep breath.

“One thing you can taste.”

He could still taste the toothpaste he had brushed his teeth with before he came here. He opened his eyes slowly. Stacey was kneeled in front of him, face sympathetic as she watched Chase.

“Give me your phone, could you?” she said, and Chase obeyed, slipping his phone out of his pocket and giving it to her without a word. She opened it and looked through the contacts for a moment before tapping on the phone once more and holding it up to her ear. “Hello? Henri?”

Chase made a hard ‘k’ sound at the back of his throat.

“Henrik,” Stacey corrected herself. “Chase had a panic attack.” There was a pause. “Yeah. Do you think you or someone could come pick him up?” Chase stayed quiet, and glanced over at his children. He felt embarrassed that they were staring at him. It’s because they were concerned, he tried to convince himself, but he still felt shame. “Okay, thanks,” Stacey finished, hanging up and handing the phone back to Chase. “Chase? Henrik’s going to come and pick you up.”

Chase only nodded, his eyes cast down to the floor. Stacey pat his knee and pushed herself off the floor, standing. Chase didn’t move. He stayed sitting on the floor, much like a child, until the doorbell rang. Stacey went to answer the door and let Henrik in. Chase still didn’t move, only shifting slightly when Henrik came to stand in front of him. He wasn’t quite sure what it was about having a panic attack that made him revert to this type of behavior, quiet, nonverbal, and uncooperative, childishly. It was a strange headspace, and he didn’t like it, not when he was just upset.

“Chase, it is time to leave,” Henrik said. Chase didn’t budge; in fact he tightened his arms around his legs. Henrik leaned down and gently grabbed his arm. Chase allowed him to bring him up to a standing position.

“Do you two want to say bye to your dad?” Stacey asked Samira and Grayson, and they timidly walked up to their father, looking up at him.

“Dad?” Grayson said, and Chase looked at him with a soft hum. Grayson reached up his arms, and Chase bend down to give him and Samira hugs.

“’m sorry,” Chase mumbled.

“No daddy, it’s okay!” Samira said brightly. She thrust a candy cane at him, which he took. “Maybe we can see you tomorrow!” She looked over at Stacey, who didn’t say anything in response. Samira looked back at her father, but he averted his gaze.

Henrik opened the door and stepped outside. Chase trailed after him, eyes on the floor, too ashamed and upset to look at anyone. He felt a twinge of regret, and then a flash of intense dislike for Braden. But he just followed Henrik outside and to the car.

“We’ll be home soon,” Henrik told him when he started driving.

Chase only nodded.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry, Chase.


End file.
